“No” is simply the answer to a question. Don’t use it to express your frustration or shut your dog down.
“No” When Dog Meets Cat
Your new dog, the one you just brought home from the shelter and released into your home, runs toward your cat as said cat saunters into her once-familiar living room. She doesn’t know the room has changed dramatically and now contains a dog!
You scream, “No!” You grab the dog, startling him as you pull him toward you. The cat scurries back out the door she came in from, with big eyes and puffed-up fur. You yelled, “No!” because you were scared that one of your beloved pets would be injured. You acted with noble intent.
Behavior is Always Changing
The next day, your cat cautiously enters the room. This time, she walks on the backs of the chairs. She hops carefully along from one high surface to the next. Your new dog remains very still, growling softly. You say, “No!” sharply. Maybe you grab his collar to prevent him from rushing the cat.
Your dog shifts his body weight back and drops to the floor, still tense, growling so quietly you can’t hear. His lips are pursed and his whiskers are pushed forward. His ears are fully alert as he stares at the cat. The cat sits quietly on the piano, tense and alert. You again acted with noble intent to prevent injury, possible save a life; but what are you teaching? What are you creating?
You can learn about dog and cat body language, what it means, and how to respond, from our Dog Reading and Cat Reading courses.
“No” When Dog Explores the Trashcan
It’s now later on that same first day of your dog’s new life with you. Your new dog is walking past the kitchen trashcan. Attracted by a delectable smell inside, he thoroughly sniffs up and down the outside of the can. It’s a can with a lid, so he can’t put his face inside, but the smell is delightful for him. He’s gathering information. Perhaps he’s entertained by the smells just like you would be entertained by looking at art, listening to music, or smelling flowers.
Your Go-to Response of “No”
You enter the room, only to see your new dog exploring the trash can. Images of your dog knocking the trash can over and digging through it come to mind. You yell, “No!” Your dog shifts his body weight back in a direction away from both the trash can and you. His body is stiff, his head up and alert, and you see the whites of his eyes (a.k.a., “whale eyes”) as his focus falls on you. He’s startled. His brain may be associating the experience with the previous one involving the cat. It’s hard to know for sure.
It’s likely your dog is learning to fear you. He’s probably connecting your presence with feeling threatened in the middle of an instinctive behavior. The trashcan that smells so inviting is probably also being associated in his brain. The kitchen area and whatever else is going on at the time are potentially involved, too. Associations between emotions and environmental conditions are strong learning experiences. The word, “No,” is probably not teaching your dog to choose other activities over sniffing the trashcan.
The Tragedy of “No”
I don’t want to take this “No!” scenario any farther because it makes me feel so sad for a dog who doesn’t have any idea what the rules are in his new home. I also feel sad for a dog guardian who is missing multiple opportunities to build a mutually supportive and fulfilling partnership with her new dog.
This type of failure to help a relationship thrive happens all the time. People are scared that they might lose control of their dogs, that their dogs will develop bad habits. Ensuring your dogs don’t develop bad habits is a great plan! But startling and scaring them can shut them down and cause frustration, stress, anxiety, chronic fear, and even trauma when they don’t know what they are supposed to do instead.
Knowing the Word, “No”
When I look at pet bios on rescue websites, I often see that a dog is described as “knowing the word, ‘No.’” I wonder what that looks like. I suppose it means that when the dog hears someone say, “No!” he immediately stops what he’s doing.
But how does the dog feel when he hears the word, “No?” (Let’s consider just the word, spoken calmly – not being sharply yelled at him. The sharp yelling of any word is likely to result in emotional impact for the dog.)
What does the word, “No,” mean to the dog? When he hears it, does the dog look expectantly to his person for guidance, with anticipation for what the next activity will be? Does he tense up with fear of what might come next? Maybe he keeps doing what he’s doing for a bit, while his owner repeats the word, “No!” several times until he finally drops what he’s holding in his mouth, stops sniffing whatever had caught his nose at the moment, or gets his front paws off the counter. Can the person who wrote the bio tell us what it means that the dog “knows” the word, “No?”
While “No” could, indeed, be associated as a cue word with a trained behavior, that’s not how I have seen it used. I typically see pet owners use it to startle an animal and get him to move away from whatever he’s interacting with. I understand the desire to make something stop and not knowing a good way to do so, but for the pet’s sake, I must say that it makes me cringe a little.
Why Does a Dog Need to “Know ‘No’?”
Cue words should give dogs information about what they should choose to do at the moment. They are somewhat “positive” words that initiate specific actions. I prefer dogs know what to do when I quietly and politely speak cue words like sit, down, come, “get it” for retrieving, spin, back up, etc.
I don’t expect my dogs to have much of a reaction at all to the word, “No.” It’s just an answer to a question. I do like when they respond with alert attention and expectation of something good when they hear the word, “Yes.”
“No” is the Answer to a Question
Use the word, “No,” to answer your dog’s questions when needed, and be sure you often answer questions with a “Yes!” also. Dogs’ questions tend to be pretty repetitive. They “ask” things like, “Can I go outside?” “Can I have that?” “Will you play with me?” “May I go in that other area?”
What is Your Dog Asking For?
Is your dog “asking” to go outside? Sometimes, going outside is a great idea and you can say “Yes!” Other times, it’s raining or you’re about to leave the house, so the answer is, “No,” because it’s just not a good time for that activity. You probably don’t refuse to let him out as a punishment; the answer is simply, “No,” at this time. He can’t go outside, but you can offer another activity instead. How about a nice chew while you go to the store? Or, let’s play a game indoors while it’s raining.
What if your dog is “asking” for a chunk of the steak you’re cooking for dinner? Yes or no? Your choice. Maybe you’ll give him a piece. If so, the answer is, “Yes.” If not, the answer is, “No,” but he’s not a “bad dog” for asking for what he wants.
There are certainly appropriate and less-desirable ways for dogs to ask for what they want, but that’s for another article. Here, we’re assuming your dog is asking politely. Perhaps he is gazing longingly at you. Maybe he is sitting, performing some of his best tricks, or drooling a little if the request involves food!
When “No” is the Answer
Your dog asked for something. Your answer was, “No.” Now you can offer a cue, whether it’s a word, a hand signal, or simply the opportunity to do something familiar and pleasant.
Perhaps your dog can lie on a mat in the kitchen and chew a bone or work through a stuffed Kong while you cook. Maybe you don’t want him in the kitchen, and you can offer an activity outside that room instead. Will another family member take your dog outside for a play session? Go for a walk? Can you put your dog in his confinement area, crate, or outside alone to enjoy a chewbone?
What options have you set up for yourself and your dog? A big part of essential training is teaching routines. Teach your dog behavior sets that you can ask for when you need them.
Training Benefits You and Your Dog
I feel good when I treat others fairly and kindly, and that means dogs and cats as well as humans. I’m a fan of supporting pet success by helping them learn to make good decisions on their own. This happens by using positive reinforcement for good choices from the beginning. Good choices occur when we set up learning environments so that those choices are likely. When we provide positive reinforcement (give treats and fun opportunities) after the behavior choice, that behavior will occur more frequently.
“Dog Meets Cat” Scenario with “Yes!”
Let’s re-illustrate the cat and trashcan interactions described above, from a perspective that not only eliminates yelling, “No!” but provides opportunities to learn alternate behaviors. It’s not that difficult to think ahead and set up a training environment in which you can reinforce good choices.
Set Them Up for Success
When the new dog and the resident cat see each other for the first time, there’s a baby gate in the doorway separating them. Maybe you even stacked 2 baby gates, one above the other, to further reduce the risk of contact before the two housemates are ready. If you live in a multi-human household or have a helpful friend, you station a human on either side of the gate, one with the cat and one with the dog. Both people give the animals treats, one tiny treat at a time, to help them associate the presence of the other animal with good things. Petting them (if they like petting!) and doing whatever you can to help them relax and express curiosity helps that association, too.
Teach Them Behaviors that Help Them
If both pets are calm and relaxed, you let them approach the gate for a short sniff. You don’t let them stay there for long. You don’t want to risk a good interaction going bad because neither pet knows how to end it on a positive note. Each human calls a pet away for another treat. You practice this interaction, building a relationship, a few times each day for a while. You’re teaching the pets to associate each other with good things, along with other skills.
There’s more to be done with introductions. You can start reading about how to know when pets are ready to be in the same room together in the article, “Introducing Dogs to Each Other.” The key is to progress at a rate that works for the pets, not on your own schedule. Admit it; your schedule is typically something like, “I want it yesterday!” LOL Long-term success comes from paying attention to what the pets need.
“Dog and Trashcan” Scenario with “Yes!”
Let’s also re-shape the trashcan scenario. When your new dog walks by the kitchen trashcan and gives it a sniff, catalog the information you receive from his choice of actions. You’ll probably learn that the trashcan has a magnificent smell that your dog really likes.
Limiting the Trashcan Interaction
Begin teaching your dog that it’s OK to sniff, but not to build that interaction to any further levels. How? Call him away after a moment of sniffing. When he comes, give him a treat. You’re teaching him a lot of individual connections in that moment. Treats come from you, coming to you will always be a good thing, enjoying a quick sniff of the trashcan’s enticing aroma is OK, and moving away from the trashcan gets your dog stuff he likes. How simple is that?
Environmental Management – Prevention While Training
Because you used your observation skills to notice that your trashcan smells really ripe to your dog, you can make a plan to change that. What does it take to reduce the invitational aspect of your trashcan? Your dog is brand-new to your home environment and is experiencing a lot of changes at this time. Maybe you put the trashcan out in the garage for a while, or behind the pantry door. This is one option for making it easy for your dog to make a good choice – one that you like. After all, your dog has a number of new things to learn, giving you a long list of training goals. Trashcan etiquette can probably wait till later.
Perhaps you make a commitment to emptying your trashcan more frequently. Maybe you decide to make a compost pile so you’re no longer putting enticing food scraps in the can. Is the liner bag hanging out under the lid, carrying that lovely scent outside the can where it’s impossible for your dog to resist? Make the effort to tuck it inside so it’s not as easy for your dog to pull on it and tump the can over. If your trashcan doesn’t have a lid, getting one that does can make your life much easier. There are numerous options – it’s up to you.
The Importance of Preventing Behaviors You Don’t Want
Yes, you can teach your dog to leave the trashcan alone, even without a lid and filled with beef ribs. But I don’t recommend taking on that project right away. There are a number of foundation behaviors you both need to learn before “leave the trashcan full of food alone” becomes accessible. You have to prevent the behaviors you don’t want because they are the ones you already know your dog is likely to choose. It’s your job to develop behaviors you want to see so that your dog has those available to him.
Give your new dog a minute to learn the million things he needs to know about your family, your home, your yard, your car, going on walks, how to play with you and your other pets, and more. He has some previous experiences onboard that may be leading him in a direction different from your goal. He also has his innate dogginess, which leads him to do things we humans would never consider. Your dog needs your help to learn to make the choices you want to see.
What’s this New Life Like for Your Dog?
Your new dog has challenges ahead of him that are equivalent to you moving to another country where the culture is completely different from the one you’re used to. There are a lot of customs, rules, and boundaries to learn. Errors are right there for the making. The fewer errors made, the more relaxed and open to new learning your dog will be. This is especially true when errors tempt dog owners to yell, “No!”
What’s the Problem with “No?”
Did you notice the detailed descriptions at the beginning of this story? They described a dog who was methodically developing fear, anxiety, and stress related to the cat, the trashcan, and even his new owner. It happens quickly, particularly when a dog is already stressed from moving into a new home, not knowing exactly where he is expected to relieve himself, what he’s allowed to play with, or even what surprises may walk into the room at any moment. Your goal should be to avoid situations in which your new dog’s responses are likely to be based in fear or stress.
Neither of You Knows What to Do
People pulling dogs away, cats scurrying, tense bodies, growling, “whale eyes,” dogs leaning backwards, pursed lips, and more are signs that your pet doesn’t know what to do and needs your help to get out of the situation. You don’t know what to do, either. You want everyone to succeed, but you don’t know how to make that happen. Perhaps you just didn’t make a plan ahead of time.
My dog reading course and cat reading course are available for you to learn how to read your pets better. You’ll understand how to help them build confidence so you don’t see these stressful signs as often. You’ll get some ideas for how to respond to your pets to make the situation better for everyone. Watch for the upcoming Advanced Dog Reading Course. It will help you understand dog interactions with people and with other dogs through actual videos of those interactions with full descriptions, analyses, and response options.
Behavior is Always Developing in Some Direction
Behavior never stays the same. It is always growing in the direction of the types of behavior you already see. If you drag your dog away from your cat while yelling, “No!” it is likely both the dog and cat make strong associations between the presence of each other and being startled.
I described the second interaction between dog and cat as the cat being more cautious and the dog being tense, stiff, and growling because that’s how these behaviors develop. It’s a typical progression, often moving into a phase where the two animals fight because they have learned to see each other as threats to their safety.
Your Behavior is Developing, Too!
There’s no doubt that you are also developing associations around the interactions between your dog and your cat. Your future behavior will be shaped around these associations. Your life will be less fulfilling if every interaction between your pets causes you to tense up and become anxious. You have the power to create a different future, though. It takes focused effort to change your own behavior, just like it does to change your dog’s behavior.
After a scenario like the one I first described with the cat, it’s likely that your brain will begin to tell you that you must be hyper-alert when the dog and cat are in the same room, that you must prevent contact. Your stressful responses will influence the behaviors the dog and cat express. But what does that mean?
Pets Don’t Need Magic
People often say that our pets “sense” our fear, concern, worry, etc. Sure they do, but it’s not a magical, mystical, “sixth sense.” Pets commonly sense our stress by seeing the behaviors we exhibit. They see you tense up. Your movements are jerky and quick as you react out of a fear that something bad is about to happen.
The way you act in these situations may already be associated with the startle, the fear your pets feel when you anxiously yell, “No!” After all, most humans behave in similar ways. This type of behavior may be familiar to your dog from his previous life.
You can see how behavior keeps developing in the same direction it’s already going.
There’s a Better, More Comfortable Possibility
By building relationships carefully, you can achieve a household in which at worst, the animals calmly co-exist. At best, they are relaxed buddies who choose to hang out together. As far as your own partnership with your new dog, the best ones start with kindness, understanding, fair requests, and honest answers to his questions.
Training is About Setting Up Options
The first step is setting up learning environments so that your pets are free to “ask” you questions. If things happen by surprise, animals react impulsively instead of checking in with you. Give them the opportunity to have a small dose of an experience like being in the room with another animal or a trashcan, as described above. Allow them to stop, think, and make a choice of behavior. Reward a good choice even if it’s tiny! Hopefully, you’ve already set things up so the right choice is likely. Find ways to say, “Yes!” instead of yelling, “No!”
The Value of “Yes!”
Wouldn’t it be great if bios of rescue pets included statements indicating they know what “yes” means? How would he know? Because the word, “Yes!” was followed by a treat and/or opportunity from his mom or dad and he felt relaxed and confident, ready to take the next step in his new life. This pet knows that when he hears that word, looking at his mom or dad will provide guidance and good things. What a great pet he would make!
But “Yes” and “No” are more than words, more than verbal cues. They are attitudes, often infused with emotions. You don’t have to say a word. You can provide an atmosphere of openness to learning. Animals (and you!) are learning all the time. Embrace the power you have to teach them the skills that will make their lives and yours wonderful.
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